Decision Made... For Now

My decision on the whole mother - me thing is as of right now to stay as is.

The same day that I wrote the previous entry I spoke to my mother and she informed me that after only 2 weeks on the market the house had been sold. She called me after it had been sold, making my argument pointless as no matter what I would say the damage had already been done and can't be undone. So, I am going to take the high road and be adult about it... which is easy at the moment. I have a feeling when I finally visit home early next year I won't be feeling the same as I am now, but that isn't for 5 months.

Bar Beach

I think that once I am home and I go to my favourite place in the world Bar Beach that I will be devastated. Because when I was a child and teen, and even an adult I use to walk to the beach as it was 5 minutes away from the house. Now when I go I won't be able to walk... I'll have to drive... ew! Then when I leave I won't be able to walk to a designated location I'll have to drive for 20 minutes just to get back to my dads. I really liked the walk to the beach. I would always go bare footed with just my bathing suit and a towel, and it worked for me! Now... I have to drive! So when I get home I have a feeling that my thoughts on this topic might change just a little, but it'll be OK... eventually.

On another note, when I was talking to my mother she told me my eldest brother Shannon asked for my email address. I'm still in a little shocked over this as I didn't even know he knew how to turn a computer on, let alone use the Internet. It caught me by surprise, and until he does email me I'll continue to think he is computer illiterate.

My Dream Interpretation

Last night I had a terrible dream. I dreamt about tarantulas... not just 1 there were 3 of them. Now every time I dream about spiders/tarantulas something happens, I just need to figure out what it means. I haven't dreamt about spiders in about 3 years, but I can still remember the last time I did and what it meant, I'm not going to go into it, but the outcome was good.

Anyhow, last nights dreams was gross and bizarre and a little scary. (I hate spiders... *shiver*) In my dream there were 3 tarantulas. One was dead, one was dying and the other was very much alive.

Now the way the first one died was by a boy eating it. Yes eating it, while it was alive. Very gross and its making me feel sick right now thinking about it. But he didn't eat the big fat bit like the guts I guess, I imagine it to be where the web is kept. Gross I know!

The second one was barely dying, after it was thrown at me and shot out its web on me then landed on the web, now it was barely dying because it was flicked away against a wall very hard. Its not fun dreaming of a big tarantula coming for your face!

The third one was very much alive because when I started to run it started to chase me.

Every time I have these dreams I run into the same person and I ask that person to please collect the spiders; which he does, without asking too many questions.

Every time I dream of spiders/tarantulas I tend to have something happen within my relationships with a loved on. I have a feeling this dream has something to do with my mother and the choices I have with dealing with her on the current situation.

I think the dead spider represents the relationship we could have if I chose that path. That path being the path of never speaking to her again! (which is the one I'm currently on.)

The dying spider, could mean our relationship could become more strained and uncomfortable. Our relationship prior to the problem was fairly good. Not great, but good. So this could mean our relationship could go on the fritz. Speaking, but not really talking.

The very much alive spider could mean that things will go on as they always have. I'm not sure about the chasing me part. Perhaps the chasing me means this is the choice I should make but I keep running away from it.

I'm not entirely sure what to think on this matter, and I'm pretty sure it'll all become clear after the choice has been made. I guess its a way of letting me know that there is a choice which I have to make and I have to make alone and on my own terms.

Angry & Hurt & Slightly Amused

Angry & Hurt... its quite the combination! To conflicting emotions that turn into... for me... rage! That or being completely irate at the person for causing these 2 emotions.

Angry...
I am so friggin' angry at my mother for her decision to sell a house that has been in our family for 100 years. It has never been in another families hands until the sale goes through. I know its just a house, but it is a house with so many good memories from my childhood, prior to the divorce of 1991.

Hurt...
I am unbelievably hurt by my mothers callousness of her inability to inform me the decision to sell the house. Its been on the market for 2-3 weeks now and I found out yesterday, YESTERDAY. My dad was the one to inform me, not her; they've been divorced for 20 years almost! Can you say COWARD?!

Reason for telling me:
My dad was the one to inform me of this because my brother Stuart had been speaking to our mother that morning and she asked if dad had spoken to me. The conversation probably went something like this:
M: Has your dad spoken to Ashley?
S: I don't know. Why?
M: I'm just wondering if anyone has told her.
END COVO.

My brothers conversation with our dad:
S: Have you spoken to Ashley?
D: No, I've been meaning to... Why?
S: Mum wanted to know.
D: Why?
S: Has anyone told her about the house?
D: Ah... I don't know.

-- strange how we always question WHY in my family.

So my dad calls me and we were having a pleasent conversation discussing travel plans and towards the end he asks if I've spoken to her... It goes something like this:
D: Have you heard from your mother?
A: No, I haven't spoken to her in a couple of weeks. Why?
D: She put the house up for sale.
A: *Cursing my ass off* I'm sorry could you repeat that?
D: Shes selling the house!
A: Why are you telling me this and not her?...

Then my dad and I get onto the topic of how my mother is scared to tell me herself. I guess because out of the 3 of us (myself and 2 brothers) I'm the only one thats never yelled at them. That would be wrong! Now I understand the choice is hers to sell her property but it would have been real nice for her to have called me and spoken to me about it when the decision had been made. But NO! She didn't do that! SO typical of her, always making decisions that benefit her, which is her right, but never taking in the feelings of others. Or how it will hurt to find out weeks later. -- -- Its like when I found out my Nana died, who I wasn't close to, I found out a week after the funeral on my birthday.
Its strange my mother waited for someone else to tell me because she thought it'd be easier for her?! No it won't be easier... things are going to get much worse! I won't be paid off... I'm not going to fall for materialistic bullsh** things, just to appease her! Anyways... I've ranted enough about that and I'm still P.O'd but I do feel a little better. Now to why I'm slightly amused.

Amused...
Well to the end the conversation after my dad dropped the bomb went something like this:
A: I'm so P.O'd at her!
D: Well Ashley, now that I've made you so happy I have to go.
A: Ah... You're kidding right?! *laughing*
D: No... I have things to do at the bowlo.
A: Oh, OK. Thanks for telling me the wonderful news... appreciate it.

Then we went to love yous and bye.

Now I will get over this, but knowing me its not going to be over night. This is going to take years. It took me 10years to get over the last thing she did and that was 9 years ago. I would've been better off finding this out once the place had been sold. Because this is going to cause arguments while the problem can be resolved. Once its sold, there would be no point in arguing as the problem would be unsolvable.

Pho

Today a friend of mine and I went for Pho`. Which is pronounced as FAR and not as FOE. So I know the correct way to say it and I still ended up saying FOE. Then I corrected myself to the nice Vietnamese man. It was delicious Pho`. Tofu... mmmm..... I know most people turn there noses up at the sight of tofu let alone the taste, but I think if it is cooked correctly it is delicious. I usually get squid pho` but I had squid last night for dinner. I also know people turn away at the thought of eating squid, well I turn away at the thought of eating a cow. Cows are far to cute to eat, while squid is friggin' disgusting to look at; but oh so delicious to eat. I am totally rambling because I literally have nothing else to talk about.

The other day my husband and I were chatting online and he was telling me about this dog over there whose name is also Brian. Well my husband was telling me about the day that dog Brian ate a steak for dinner. Now this wasn't any fresh steak... no no no, this was 3 day old steak. 3 day old steak that Brian had buried and then dug up. I guess 3 day old steak is more delicious then fresh steak... not to mention the dirt on it.

My husband tends to see animals eating "normal" things to us, but completely abnormal to animals. He sent me a picture a couple of years ago while he was away on training and it was a picture of a squirrel eating a hamburger. I mean a squirrel eating a hamburger is pretty funny, just the thought of it to me is amusing. I thought they ate acorns?!

OK... rambling done for the day!!

Going Stir Crazy

Holy crap...



I'M BORED!!!!!


I have nothing to do. I did some scrap booking until I filled up my two scrap books, and I'm not even sure if it looks that good. I only have my opinion on that matter and well my opinion isn't that high. I'm so talentless when it comes to art. Good thing I make up for it in... hmmm; I'm gonna have to get back to myself on that one!

I took a picture of a frog or toad, I have no idea which one it was... Sam was scared of it when I took him out; he would slowly approach then quickly run away... so friggin' adorable that one.

Is it a toad or a frog?

Isn't it ugly? Look at it, its got blue creepy shiny eyes... I'd say demon eyes but they are blue! How could a 90 pound dog be afraid of that little thing... although it is bigger then the average frog. He looks so cool, calm and collected and then some big brown things starts trying to sniff him; but no the frog/toad thing doesn't run, or hop away... the dog does!

Sam! The Cowardly Dog

Hows the nick name "Cowardly Dog" it suits him!
BAH.... I'm DONE.

Diet Coke & Ludo

Well... you know what I hate?! I hate when I go to a specific place for a specific thing and that specific thing is the one thing they screw up! Yesterday I went to get dinner as I hate cooking, and I ordered tea, sweet tea, and I went to this place for the sweet tea!!! You know what I got instead? I got nasty disgusting Diet Coke!!! Yuck, makes me want to hurl just thinking about it... I came home took a drink and had to throw the nasty crap away. How does anyone like that sh**? Or better yet, how does anyone ORDER it?! Yuck!

On another note, I think everyone should go to youtube.com and watch the "Love Me Dead" video by Ludo. To me it is hilarious, especially at the end with the streamers. The song is entertaining on its own, but the video and the singers facial expressions are pretty funny. It is also a well done video clip. Its kindof like a short play. ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XH3oMNKApI <---- see clip here. (Hopefully that worked.)

Hubby's Latest Deployment

Currently Brian (hubby) is stationed in Iraq. He left early in July right before Independence Day, anyhow... This is my husbands 3rd deployment.

The first time he was deployed to Iraq and was stationed in the city of Kirkuk. We'd only been married about 9-10months before this happened. While in Kirkuk he lived in a safe house and had TV, Internet hook up, use of a phone, did his job and somewhat enjoyed himself, even under the circumstances. The worst thing to come out of that deployment was some stupid person one rank higher punishing him by taking away his phone and Internet privileges for 2 weeks. Can you imagine not hearing from someone you love for 2 weeks whilst they're in a "war" zone? It was not fun. Eventually I got around to calling the company and having some ass Captain lie to me, and then talking to the 1SGs wife and having her talk to the Beard (1SG) and having him tell Brian to call me.

The 2nd deployment was to Baghdad, Iraq. He'd been home from the previous deployment for about 3 years before this one came along. So I packed up again and left Hawaii for Texas to live with my in-laws. Not the point of this... he lived in the "green zone", did his job (which he enjoyed), had a TV in his room, a fridge, food court to go for dinner, Internet in the room, AC, and a room-mate he actually got a long with. He had all these amenities and was happy, again under the circumstances. He also had access to phones to call, but now the Internet through skype and yahoo you can call people for free that way.
Now we come to this deployment... deployment Number 3. Well, what can I say about this. I don't remember anything overly bad from the previous 2 besides, the not hearing from him on the first deployment and on the 2nd he was sent in to Sadi City (sp?) which was stressful and not good.

2nd Deployment

Anyhow... this deployment he is... I don't even know the city he is in... I'll find that out later. First I should probably go back to the time he was in Kuwait. Whilst in Kuwait some stupid SOB higher up had the "men" probably 20 of them, go into the desert in the middle of the day, with the sun high in the sky and around 120*F, in full gear, which includes about 60-100lbs of weight. They went there to do training!!! Training in full gear in the middle of the desert in 120* heat!!!! Someone could have died from heat stroke, according to my hubby a lot of the people were sick... but my question on this is what sort of sick F*** would send his soldiers into the desert in the middle of the day with all that crap on???!?? A f'ing sadist, is who!!! What I wouldn't give to be able to give him an ear full!

Moving on lets get back to the part where hes in Iraq. Brian has been in Iraq for about a month. He has a room that he shares with someone that works nights while he works days, which works out good for the both of them. But... they DON'T have Internet, TV, fridge or any of the other amenities they use to have. BUT... they do have a community room, for Internet, TV, phone and food. They have a crappy food court that is disgusting according to him... He works writing contracts which he really likes, surprisingly. Now I get to the ass higher ups... they DO get Internet in there private rooms, phones in there office, and TV! Now its called an "Army of One", where is the ONE in this?? To me that says equality, but in truth and actuality, the higher ups get whatever the hell they want, while the Privates through to Sgt's, get pretty much NOTHING! (at this current location) It seems to me that the higher ups are abusing there positions in getting everything they want and/or need because they really don't have to answer to anyone. Friggin' ridiculous the unfairness of it all.

On top of all that the TV they have in the community room, some of the guys were watching it one night, and the Captain came out and took the TV away because it was too loud... BUY SOME EAR PLUGS!!!! They also have a dog that the Capt. is threatening to take away. Does this man not realise that these things are a form of stress relief and entertain, and that they also raise moral? They don't have a store like at the other bases, so that can't buy smokes, they don't have privacy anywhere, and there only form of enjoyment is in a common room. So what happens when you take away a form of entertainment in the place they're at?!... It lowers moral! It doesn't take a genius to figure that out! But NO he has a form of stress relief and entertainment in his PRIVATE room, that he doesn't share! So he clearly doesn't understand what its like for the other guys who only have a common room! I want to yell at whoever came up with these ridiculous stipulations and the unfair advantages of the higher ups. It makes me sick! It should be equal... but it never will be which is ludicrous.

I think I'm done venting on this subject... for now at least.

Petrol

I can not get over how friggin' expensive petrol aka gas is. I spent $75 filling up my truck (Ute) today! Granted I do drive a monster of a vehicle. Also, it being a V8 probably doesn't help, as just turning it on wastes gas. I don't use AC, I hate it but it uses up gas too, or at least that's what they say. And parking it is a bitch also... can't just drive into a parking space anymore I have to back up. I'm just grateful that the vehicle has sensors that beep and then flat line when it's time to stop. Considering that Hawaii has got to have some of the worst parking in America probably doesn't help. Its tiny! I need to take up two spaces in some lots, which is friggin' annoying and inconsiderate. Agh... I think my rant on that is out of my system; at least for now.

One of Those Days

Well... Today I was playing canasta online at yahoo today and it was partner canasta, and the stupid B**CH sitting next to me started accusing me of cheating! First of all, I don't see the point in cheating at cards, you either win or you lose. Secondly, I wasn't at all happy with my partners playing technique, but I didn't say anything to him I just let him play the crappy way he was playing; and thirdly I always think that people who hate losing are the ones who accuse of cheating.
Now at Yahoo Games you have the option when someone is idle for a while, to A.Forfeit and Cancel, B. Force Forfeit and End Game or C. WAIT! Preferably everyone picks wait because that way the game doesn't end. But NOOOOO, the stupid B**CH red team chose Force Forfeit and on top of that my team was WINNING. So not only did I lose by default, I was also called a cheater in the game of Canasta. Obviously it pissed me off, but I'm sure I'll get over it, that and I told everyone in the lobby that she was a sore loser and would accuse everyone of cheating if they played with her! Not so much revenge, but it felt good afterwards.

On another topic Bindi got her cone taken off today and everything turned out well from the surgery. YAY!

Bindi with her cone.

Also, there is this crazy parrot or cockatoo across the street that likes to screech, SO ANNOYING. Anyhow, there is also a dog across the street and every time the bird starts wailing the dog decides to howl. See who can be louder I suppose. They don't stop until someone screams at the dog or the bird to SHUT UP! It is kindof funny in a weird way, but annoying all the same.

Oh and to top it all off I enrolled in this thing like netflix but for books and its been almost 2 weeks and I still haven't received my books in the mail. Getting so impatient!

11am

oh my goodness... it is only 11am; it feels like 4pm. I seriously thought it was later then it actually is. Like I could pass out right now, I have no idea why I am so tired. Kindof annoying! I hate it when I feel so tired that my eyes hurt every time I close them, they kindof sting from having to be open! I'm sure that makes no sense, but what do I care. I have an excuse: I'm tired! Pretty lame excuse but, it works for me. UGH!

Sam

You know what I love about my dog Sam? I love that once hes done eating that he doesn't run around like a crazy dog, doesn't lay down and go to sleep or chase his own tail... what Sam does once hes done eating is calmly and slowly approaches you and gets right up to your face and burps. Yes, he burps, literally right in your face. It is the most disgusting thing imaginable having dog breath burped into your face. Could you imagine how bad it would be if you had your mouth open and he burped... ew nasty, I'm grossing myself out over here.

On another note when Sam does chase his tail he looks like a bucking bronco trying to get the rider off his back... it is highly amusing and amazingly entertaining. I enjoy watching him do that; I get a work out from constantly laughing at him... I swear laughter is better then 30min at the gym any day of the week. He is one interesting fella.

Isn't he adorable?!

Bindi's Surgery

Bindi had her surgery yesterday and it went well, the problem came later. The spot with the incision started to itch and with the cone around her head (that was finally put on tight enough for her not to get out of), she couldn't reach it to itch or lick (gross), so she developed a new technique. She learned how to scoot... yes scoot. Tearing at her stitches and forcing her back into the vets office for them to take care of her, in case of more scooting. Hopefully the wound will heal correctly and she won't need to have anything else done. I hope she won't be needing any more surgery; cosmetic or otherwise.